Well...



I'm doing good, but I've got a B in Clevenger's class... It's a high B, sure, but it can't get any better. Why, you ask, fair reader? That damn research paper. It counts for THIRTY FUCKING PERCENT of our LAST GRADE. Honestly, I'll be lucky if I get out of there with a C.

And I realized something.. The farther you go into the world of Calculus, the less you need your calculator. Not because you know what you're DOING. Because the calculator doesn't know how to do it EITHER.

To B: I love you. You and me, together forever, across space, time, and the unknown.

 Okay, I understand that I don't have the worst life possible.. but I don't have a good one either. It could ALWAYS have been better for me. Outside of this house, I'm perfectly safe. I feel alive... here... I don't. I feel like I'm suffocating. I fear my parents. I always have. My father has always towered over me, and violent tendencies run in his blood... just the same as my mom. I'm the weakest in this house, with nothing going for me except the fact that I can get out. One year. Seven Months.

They say they love me, but I don't think they do. My father never has been there for me, saying that I never let him get close enough. He loves my nieces more than he does me. And... I've been questioned my mother's "love" ever since... she hit me. She slapped me hard enough to send me to the floor, but it didn't hurt. What hurt was the ACT of hitting me. She did it out of anger... saying I DESERVED to be treated like that. I cried and shied away from her for that night... and she eventually apologized to me. But to this day she says its my fault that she hit me.

I thought I had protected her, weeks before when my sister attacked her. I kept them off of each other, and did what I was supposed to.. I did the right thing. I felt horrible about it, having to send my sister away, but it was the right thing. What did I do to deserve to be abused? Was my past life so cruel that I am paying for it even in the next life? 

She also told me that she continued to smoke while I was in the womb. Things like that cause defects and abnormalities... could anything I hold onto as unique to me be a byproduct of her ignorance? 

Oh, God... I can't take it if I am. I can't... To know... I could have been NORMAL. Or at least BETTER at things. Or at least... not as sick.

I can't do this anymore. I'm tired of crying. 

 Death comes in many forms: from a shrouded figure in black, to a fallen angel, to a friend's hand that pulls one back to the light of love.

My death came in the form of a slip of hot pink paper, with the number 2 on it. 

This paper contains the topic of my research paper for Clev-Dog's class. The number corresponds to a topic on a premade list. Mine is something about the mechanistic qualities of Theodore Dreiser's work. Whatever that means. 

I started some preliminary research on the man, and he seems alright enough. I've even started reading The "Genius" on Google Books, since the entirety of the work is on there, some how. It's a fun read so far. 

Anyway, it seems like my funeral was planned, as tubas and the drumline echoed an eerie funeral march through the school. Sadly, the casket that followed in tow had a wild cat's tail hanging out of it. We were mourning our next Friday night rivals.

In death, I have decided that I shall become a demon. No one said I had to play nice anymore... So as my first act, I decided to get revenge on a former project partner, who --shall we say-- EPICALLY  FAILED on it... (Dammit Clifford. Wilson shot himself right after shooting Gatsby, so he COULDN'T TALK TO THE BLOODY REPORTERS! GAH!) 

During the death march, we were taking a test in Pre-Calculus. One of the football players came back to class as he passed, believing that this test was more important. Clifford, who was previously in the class, left with the procession. Being the new demon I was, I decided to tape a note to the door that read "Testing in Progress. Do Not Disturb.... THIS MEANS YOU CLIFF." My teacher, and the rest of the class agreed to it, and we locked the door for good measure. 

The poor bloke stood outside for half the block. We finally let him in, and it was beautiful. I started crying because of it.

The day I died continued as planned. I only wish I had time to complete my case study in forensics. You wish you could have done a lot of things when you die, right?

 I see the ads for the new Adobe CS4 everywhere I go online... And I lack the money that I must have to purchase the software...

Somebody better direct me to a GOOD crack/rip of it. NOW.

 Labor day. For us Americans, it's the official end of summer. For those not in school already, it starts soon, or even with dawn tomorrow. The days are growing short again, and the afternoons dare not to be so blisteringly hot. 

It didn't really hit me until I was helping my dad put the winter cover on the pool. My favorite act of summer was over. It was only 7:00 pm here, and the sky had already faded to pale oranges and pinks, where the sun burned color onto the sky above as it left. I even saw the last rays of sunlight kiss the tops of the clouds, like a mother kissing its child goodnight. 

Standing on the deck, in a more childish moment, I saw a firefly out of the corner of my eye. I immediately dropped what I was doing, and grabbed at it. To my surprise, I caught it on the first try. I opened my hand to watch it glow for a moment, but I realized I had broke its wing covering. It was bent, seemingly into its shoulder, and two white dots of the bug's innards appeared. I felt horrified at what I did, and pitied the thing. I thought I had given it it a death sentence. I was directing my emotions inward, hating myself for what I had done, when the lightning bug crawled up to the tip of my finger and flew away, unaffected. I smiled. It was fine, as far as I could tell. Things worked out for the little insect, despite the bump in its metaphorical road.

When we were done, twilight had faded into the bright night where stars cannot shine. I sat on my back porch for some time, petting my dog Jake. He's been lonely ever since Tobey died. They were brothers despite the fact they'd fight all the time. I guess that made them even more like brothers.

He fidgets constantly, though. He's always been scared of the human touch. We think that his former owner, the one who had him since he was born until we got him, abused him. Who would do such a thing to a small, defenseless thing? There are people like that in this world. And I should know.

I talked to him, more freely than I could anyone else in this town. Who could he tell? What would he say? He couldn't hurt me like other humans. He just enjoyed my touch. As long as I could give him that, he didn't care what I said to him.

I told him I was scared. This year scares me immensely, as I have only one more year before I become an adult, by society's standards. I'm scared of what to do with my life. I'm scared that it won't work out. I'm scared of what I might become. What I thought was certain may not be so certain anymore.

I paused, and looked at Jake. He seemed to smile at me. I could only smile back at him. Things would work out. 

"With cautious feet, we move forward. Today is the first step of our new lives." ~ Meiko Inoue from Solanin by Inio Asano

 This first week in the halls of Dear Ol' Southside High, I learned some new stuff to share. 

( Like how Sparknotes can save your life if you were  )Remember folks! Be careful who you date! XD

LUV's from Katie

 Life is GOOD. I would say GREAT, but that's a little over the top, even for me. 

Why? Well, I was drawing something on the comp at school today and my teacher walked by, and she said that it was pretty good. I freaking love it because I made it in MS Paint. With a mouse. With nothing really besides the line tool.

And yes, it's Hojo.

Anyhoo, She and I started talking, and she agreed to switch me to one of the comps that have the newest Adobe creative suites on it, so after I get done with my work, I can play on stuff like Photoshop, Illustrator, InDesign, and DreamWeaver!! 

I'm gonna ask her tomorrow if I can bring my tablet to school, so I don't have to MOUSE everything. So I officially love that class. =3

Everything else. BRING. IT. ON.

 Is it the beginning of school already? I'm afraid so, dear friends.

( So begins my Junior year, with a whimper. )May the Goddess look over me, and all those returning to the hallowed halls of Dear Old Southside High. 

LUV's from Katie

 I figured, if I were back in 5th grade or something, going or coming. I'd have to write an essay like this. So I'm going to revert back to my childhood for a little while, long enough to feel better before I have to go and have a nervous breakdown.

I learned many things this summer, though most could never be found in a book, encyclopedia, or Wiki web page. The topics that I studied could never be a formal class. They're too rough around the edges to be contained within theories and formulas. They're... more personal than that. However cliche it may sound, this summer, I learned about life and what it takes to survive it. 

I learned that people will stab one in the back, twist one's words, and use one in any way possible. Most of that will come from one's own family. I've learned that families will say what ever they need to say to sound like they're functional and proper. Show me a picture of a happy family, and I'll deny that it is of a REAL family. It was probably Photoshopped anyway. 

I've learned that the only true love that can be found outside of the family, because they don't HAVE to love you. They put up with all your quirks and hypocrisies by CHOICE. They could just turn away, and act like they never knew you; yet they don't. They stick by you. They're there to hear you whine and complain and bitch and moan until you're blue in the face, but they don't mind it! Hell, they empathize with you because they all know the common truth of families.

I also learned that the best therapy to almost anything would be an hour's worth of  loud music. Loud enough to make your ears ring for 3 hours. I guess that could be defined as escapism. That's what I am, an escapist. Ooh, better yet: Escape Artist. I know the art of escapism. I draw what I think, not what I see. I write what I feel, though that's not the best sometimes. 

My final thoughts are sweet and simple. It takes more than a good head on your shoulders to scrape through life. It takes others to use you and help you become world weary; it takes others to help you, to see how beautiful relations can be. It also takes a lot of sunshine... or at least an infinite amount of hope for it.

In the words of Roxas: "Looks like my summer vacation is... over."

Signing off. 

 ... 

And Repliku's Ass. 

I'm bored. I can't sleep. Can't think. Can't understand. 

And this really sucks when you have 3 papers due in less than a week. 

I've resorted to playing in a fantasy world to help escape it. What can I say? Reality has so many... limitations. Fantasy doesn't care if your I.Q. is at a genius level, or that you've got advanced classes, or that the A.P. exams could get you out of classes you never would have to take anyway.

Hell, it doesn't even care where you park. 

I don't want fantasy to fade away. It's so.. beautiful, and blinding. It's like the dawn on a rain soaked night. I used to think, 'Oh, what's so great about the dawn? It's just another day... And we're technically 8 minutes late.' But... people change, right?

I couldn't agree more... Hehe.. Look at the papers I have to do! Most of the time, they'd already be done, printed, and practically wrapped up with ribbons and bows.

That's a bad example, isn't it? Ah well... Just goes to show you: Change isn't good. No matter what form it takes. 

Here are some vids of the "Random Battles" that will be similar in design to the ones at KamiCon '09. for reference only.





I luv the Pichu dress! ^_^



AXEL FTW!! SUMMON THE YAOI FANGIRLS!

More info here

LUV's from Katie

I am from the year of the Rooster. Technically Water Rooster so says the handy dandy chart... and it fits oddly..

But what's really weird is that my sister, my mom, and my older niece all are from different years of the rooster... It's kinda funny in truth..

LUV's from Katie

Hands down, C3P-O... I've loved that robot since I watched the original Star Wars movies back when I was a little kid! When my mom would take me to the movie store I'd always get a Star Wars movie and some Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or 3 Ninjas if one of the two were out...

LUV's from Katie

 I'm gonna die this term!! AAAAHHH!!!!!

I have many reactions... depending on who I'm talking to:
1. I didn't do it!
2. Okay, maybe if I leave now, I can be across the border by morning.  
3. No! DO NOT WANT!
4. I don't have time for this shi-- crap...
5. Uh oh...
6. Oh okay... *tunes them out* Huh? What'd ya say?

That's pretty much it... 

LUV's from Katie

Okay... shameless Hojo plug there.. can you tell I'm obsessed? ^^;

Anyhoo.. this is for Doom! Let my Evil Genius shine down upon you, brighter than any Kingdom Hearts!!

"Hey, Sephy!"



I dunno what this one is called, but its a parody of a Japanese commercial.



Again... dunno what this is called, but still fun.



This one's a parody of the ending of Full Metal Alchemist... with the ShinRa corp that we all love...



Now for my favorite! "Cloud goes to the convenience store" (I seriously want this song!)



That's all for now! Here you go Doom... Hopefully my epic plan will work!

LUV's from Katie

As my closest friends know, I'm getting into the story of FFVII, more specifically, the Hojo/Lucrecia/Vincent love triangle. And as I am reading through the Sparknotes for The Scarlet Letter, I find it interesting to note that the story sounds very similar.

Those who have read the book may use this following handy guide of the main characters, though due to story changes some things would have to be changed..

Hester=Lucrecia
Dimmesdale=Vincent
Chillingsworth=Hojo
Pearl=Sephiroth

Kinda obvious no? Except in this version, Pearl is the child of Chillingsworth, not Dimmesdale.

The more I think about it, it would work. Lucrecia seems to be the strong type, after all she did survive that crap with Seph in her belly. And Vincent torments himself for not talking to Lu about Project S... and confessing his love to the world. Hojo torments Vincent, not in the exact way Chillingsworth did.... but more modernized! Hehe... And to think about it, Pearl, who shows wisdom and knowledge beyond her years because of what her mother and father did, really does match Sephiroth's story...(Who does show remarkable abilities because of Hojo and Lu) And do I really wanna talk about the meteor? NAH!

And, despite the popularity of this couple, I be a serious Hojo x Lu shipper y'all! Huzzah for (twisted) cannon pairings!! I would also like to thank *coughBLAMEcough* CrimsonSun over at DevART for making me a Hojo fan... ( Um.. you didn't here this, m'kay? ) I'm such a big Hojo fan now, I'm gonna cosplay him at KamiCon 09! I've already won a lab coat via ebay, and I'm gonna be looking around at beauty shops here for a el cheapo black wig I can use. I'll end up styling the bangs and the weird sideburn-y things. 

And as soon as I find said wig (and an ACE bandage), doom... you be getting some pictures! ^_^

LUV's from Katie

 It's really pouring here in the Land of the Smokenecks. I just got out of my garage because of the tornado warning. Yes.. trapped in a crawl space with the demon children... Joy. 

Outside it's gusting and raining. but I can say this, I am delayed for two hours for school tomorrow. FTW!! Can't say everything is bad... Maybe I won't have that stupid head test on The Scarlet Letter tomorrow then! 

the streets are flooding, the wind is gusting, the skies are dark and dismal... and I couldn't be happier!

LUV's from Katie

"May I feel?"

Hehe... from E.E. Cummings' poem "may I feel said he"

And a side note... this guy has the most annoying way of writing EVER! I mean, It's just confusing, but a good many of his poems are about sex... No wonder I like his stuff... ^^;

LUV's from Katie